The Cynic Says……

WOW… I had the best goddamn birthday ever this year.. haha… I finally woke up at like 6pm and hopped on the bike and rode out west with Sam. Well, technically speaking we rode downtown and took the bus to the bike shop and yapped with the guys there for a bit. Then we went to Ben & Jerry’s and got ice cream.. then we took the bus out to the mall and rode from the mall to the liquor store. I bought a bottle of Effen Vodka (unflavored this time and undoubtedly the most amazing vodka I’ve ever had). By this time we were hungry and so we decided to go eat at Hooters. I figured it’s my birthday, I should get to see some ass and titties. The food sucked goat balls, but nobody goes to Hooters for the food! Amusingly, our waitress was an idiot. I ordered and she came back like 5 minutes later and was like “you wanted a hamburger, right?” Only at fucking hooters could a waitress get away with that. Seroiusly, they don’t hire girls there based on how big their BRAINS are. If tits were brains, some of these bitches would be Mrs Einstein. A few others weren’t so well-endowed. Needless to say, we left hooters and went to O’Charley’s and I had a few drinks. I got a little toasty there and was feeling pretty good when I left.. That made the bike ride back to Sam’s place interesting to say the least (drunken cycling.. wooo!). On the way back, his friend Lauren called and said she was going to come hang out with his. From the pics I saw, I knew she was fairly hot, but I’d never met her or even seen her in person before. So we get to his house and wait for her to show up… she shows up, gets out of the car and my jaw just fucking hits the ground. This girl is just… beyond words. Saying she’s hot does not even come close to describing her. So anyway, we hang out and get drunk-er. Sam and I killed most of the fifth of vodka in a matter of a couple of hours. We were absolutely trashed out of our minds. Lauren ended up flashing her perfect breasts twice as my birthday present. Yes, I got pics.. no you can’t see them. The amazing thing about her is the fact that she’s 5′4 or so, 117 lbs, is a big 34C (she may be able to fit into a D), and wears a size 5 (they were big on her, actually). The girl is built like a brick shithouse. Jesus what a body. So of course she has a nice stomach to go with everything else and she’s all sprawled out in Sam’s chair and I crawl my way up to her and am like “can I kiss your stomach?” and of course she’s like “sure”. I get like 3 kisses in on her stomach and she’s like “ok, you HAVE to stop now”. Quite amusing, if you ask me. I also vaguely remember grabbing her tits, but I’m not 100% sure about that one. So shortly after all this happens, Lauren gets the brilliant idea to go to Waffle House. Mind you, Sam and I are about as drunk as you can humanly be and still be able to remain upright. So we go to Waffle House and get food. Lauren just got hash browns, so I bought her food and our tab was like $11.something. Sam’s was around $5. He left a 10 and I left a 20 and both of us forgot to get change. Our waiter made out with a damn good tip, that’s for sure. Also while we were there I saw my friend Christy and that’s partially why I forgot to get my change. She got me all sidetracked and then Lauren had already run out and pulled the car up and was like “come on, let’s GO” so we rushed out the door and she drove us back to his house. I have absolutely no recollection of how I got from upstairs to downstairs and back into his room. I do remember sitting online and talking to a few people and then going to sleep on the couch. I woke up at like damn 10am not feeling so great… stayed up for about an hour or two.. then went back to sleep til about 6:30. It rained all day so I did absolutely nothing. We ordered pizza because neither of us felt like going out in the shitty weather and getting food. At any rate… we took some pics.. they’re in the gallery @ http://gallery.whatthefcuk.info