The Cynic Says……

Wow… I had a crazy monday night, that’s for sure. My friends and I decided we wanted to cook out and then go out and do some stuff. Fun times. We went to the grocery store and got some big honkin steaks and some corn on the cob. Cooked out, ate, then decided to go bowling and maybe drink a little. So the four of us (me, Sam, Steve, Jeremy) go to the bowling alley and find that it’s dead, very few people there, not worth staying. So we go drive around thinking “we’ll find something to get into tonight”. Jeremy comes up with the bright idea to go to a strip club. Neither Sam nor I had ever been to one so we figured “hey, why not”. We spend about 10 minutes arguing about which strip club to go to and we finally decide on the Emerald Club. On the way, we decide to pick up some jager. We stop at the liquor store and they didn’t have chilled fifths, so we had to buy two half-fifths (375mL) for $16 each instead of the normal $25 for a fifth of jager. Not only that, we had to pay $10 each to get in plus $15 split between us to get Sam’s broke fucking ass in and $5 for each bottle of jager because it’s a BYOB club. Needless to say, I had a great time at the strip club. I didn’t buy any lapdances because they’re $40 there and I’m just too damned cheap to pay a bitch $40 to rub her pussy on me no mater how hot she is. This one chick whose stage name is Sasha kept harrassing us to buy a dance and one time she even specifically asked “so none of you guys want me to rub my pussy all over you?” I told her “Yeah, but not for $40″. I ended up getting wicked stupid horribly drunk. This one really hot stripper was wearing a ring and I told her that her fiancee was a lucky motherfucker, to which she replied that it was her grandmother’s ring and she didn’t have a boyfriend. She came over and chatted with us for a bit, then said she’d be back because she was going to get some crown. She came back with a cup of crown royal and a cup of coke. I ended up drinking most of that cup of crown on top of all the jager I’d had. I was so drunk I was actually kissing the stripper’s hand and telling her how beautiful she was, I think. I don’t even really remember. I do know I puked up a whole shitload of corn in the front yard when I got home. Needless to say, I felt like shit when I woke up the next day. Tuesday I did absolutely nothing because I felt like shit and the weather sucked. Of course the weather sucked again today too.