The Cynic Says……

Yep… I had an amazing weekend for sure. Friday, my girlfriend and I both got paid so we went out shopping and had a whole bunch of errands to run. We finally got home at like 9pm and literally passed out by 10pm and slept til 10am Saturday… At that point we got up, had friends over, went out to eat then went swimming at the pool… Saturday night was when the fun REALLY began! We already had a 1.75L bottle of rum and a fifth of vodka that we hadn’t really put a dent in from the previous weekend so we figured we’d drink some of that to get a nice buzz and then go to Fiction and have fun there. Well, because we ate Chinese food and didn’t get home til 9:35 and wanted to get to Fiction by 11 we didn’t really get to drink much at home. So we basically had to drink at Fiction.

Seeing that we got there about 11, we didn’t have to pay cover (which was the point of showing up so early). Problem
is that at 11pm it’s absolutely dead as fuck so it’s not a helluva lot of fun. Basically the only thing to do is mill about and maybe sit in the courtyard and hang out and talk. I didn’t even start drinking til almost 12:30 because I didn’t want to get stupid drunk early and not remember the rest of the night. So about 12:30 I find my favorite bartender and start drinking. At the same time I’m buying myself drinks, I’m getting one for my girlfriend (myself: surfer on acid; girlfriend: sex on the beach). I decide that I’m not going to slam drinks like I normally do, in the hopes that I won’t get absolutely tanked and make an idiot out of myself (I do this a lot, mind you). My girlfriend, on the other hand, can merely LOOK at a shot of booze and get a buzz. I figured it wouldn’t take a whole lot to get her trashed and at absolute most she’d drink four drinks and be gone. I was pretty much dead-on with both, luckily. She had four sex on the beaches and I had about 5 surfers on acid plus a nazi coke and a red bull to cap off the night and I was feeling great, but not trashed. She was absolutely lit the fuck up, to say the least. All told my tab was $90 with a $15.50 tip… wayyyy too fucking much money to go out and blow just to get a little drunk. On one hand, I was mad that I didn’t get trashed… but on the other hand I was happy I wasn’t trashed because that meant I remembered everything and was still coherent, plus no hangover the next morning. Anyway, Fiction was awesome, Slink spun a sick ass set that had people on the dance floor going nuts (my girlfriend included) and everyone had a great time.

Eventually, we left Fiction and headed home… On the way home, my friend Sam decided to drunk dial some completely random people in his girlfriend’s cellphone and one other person whose number he just randomly dialed without even knowing them. Hilarity ensues, with the “random” even calling back and fucking with him a bit by telling him to bring them some taco bell and such. During all this we stop at Taco Bell and grab some food and head home… at this point I’m feeling a bit mischievous and decide that we’re going to dump a bottle of dishwashing liquid into the fountain out in front of our apartment complex. We get home and I grab the dishwashing liquid and we all run back out to the fountain and do the deed. I pour it in and we make a break back to the apartment… problem is I’m laughing so fucking hard that I trip over the mound of dirt surrounding one of the trees and faceplant. I get up, dust myself off and start running again only to trip over the sidewalk and hit the pavement. So at this point I’ve managed to fuck up my shorts AND my knee, but I eventually make it back to the apartment and take a break. Well, my friend Steve decides he’s going to leave and takes off… only to call me 2 minutes later and tell me to come out and look at the fountain because the bubbles are every bit of 4ft tall and damn near overflowing out of the fountain. Sure enough, we go outside and look and there’s an enormous blob of bubbles in the fountain engulfing the whole pool of water, more or less. A great ending to an overall great night. I was feeling damn good and my girlfriend said she’d never felt so great drunk in her entire life…. so yeah, we were all pretty happy.

Sunday was more or less uneventful… we went to see “Nacho Libre” which was quite possibly one of the worst movies I’ve seen in my entire life. I think I chuckled maybe 10 times during the entire movie and seriously felt gypped. That’s two hours plus and $12 I’ll never get back. Thanks, Jack Black.. I’d like a $12 check, please. Asshole.

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